Sex Medicine: Hump Me Healthy
Episode 12 is here!
We all know what good sex feels like…right? Well, do you know that good sex equals good health? During this spicy episode, the EmPOWERment Couple pulls back the sheets on just how healing sex can be. This show is filled with empowering sex facts, sexual product recommendations, sexual tips on how to spice up your sex life while in a long-term relationship, sexual health studies, how to talk about sex to your growing adults, and everything you want to know about both female and male orgasms. In short, this is the show to listen to, to fully understand why good sex is good for you. If you’re single and ready to mingle, Zuri breaks down her “dating code” that helped her find her match in Mikey. Now is the time to liberate yourself and demystify and restore sexual beauty to the time-honored practice of making love. Let’s celebrate sex for without sex, all the good people in the world would cease to exist.
Today we are going to talk about sex, why it’s great, health benefits, how to spice it up in a relationship, some amazing facts, a sex trivia game, and a whole lot of laughing like we are in junior high because when it comes to sex people don’t like to discuss it openly and instead of just giggling about it, let’s talk about sex baby.
We’re in a culture that celebrates violence and vilifies sex, sexuality, sexually liberated women, or sexually active young adults. Shaming humans about sexuality is as silly as shaming a dog for wagging its own tail. We have sexual organs for a reason. We need to flip the script and start celebrating sex and not being afraid of sexually liberated men and women.
There’s a sexual awakening happening and we want to help both women and men get their sexy back no matter if you’re single and ready to mingle or you’re married for multiple decades. Did you know that the average adult gets some action 54 times a year—or about once a week, according to a 2017 study?
So, people are having sex and it’s not just about having babies, but if we deny sex as a culture, we are actually denying how we all got here.
A fun fact only humans and dolphins have sex for pleasure.ased on scientific observations of dolphins copulating year-round even though females are only fertile for a few months of the year. And it has to do with the fact that Dolphins have similar bundles of nerves on a clitoris as humans.
From a spiritual perspective, our sacral chakra governs our sexual organs and as we spoke about this on our Chakra podcast this energy center is all about pleasure. As our second chakra, we need this to be balanced and spinning. Because if we deny our pleasure energy center the rest of our body falls out of alignment. If this resonates with you, you may need some sex medicine.
Health Benefits Of Having Sex:
We want to empower you to have sex, fall in love with sex, and encourage you to practice sexually stimulating yourself because guess what? It’s GOOD FOR YOU! Sex activates a variety of neurotransmitters that impact not only our brains but several other organs in our bodies.
We have 10 science-backed studies listed below with the sources hyperlinked for a deeper read. These studies prove that sex is medicine for your mind, body, and emotional state:
1. Research has shown that the orgasm is linked to reducing stress, curbing the appetite, boosting hormone levels, enhancing sleep, and heightening one’s sense of smell.
2. Researchers found that men who had sex two times or more each week were less likely to die from a heart attack than men who had sex less often.
3. This study found that men aged 50 and over who have frequent sex are less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than men their same age who do not have sex often.
4. Frequent sex may improve a man’s sperm quality, reduce DNA damage to sperm, and increase fertility. According to the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology, men who had sex daily, or ejaculated daily, had more viable and higher quality semen after seven days than men who did not have sex. The study suggests this approach may help couples with mild fertility problems conceive.
5 A study of immunity in participants in romantic relationships, people who had sex one to two times a week had more immunoglobulin A (IgA) in their saliva. People who had sex less than once a week had significantly less IgA. IgA is the antibody that plays a role in preventing illnesses.
6. An observational study showed that sexual activity can provide full or partial relief from migraines and cluster headaches. Of people who were sexually active during their attacks:
- “60 percent reported an improvement during a migraine
- 70 percent reported moderate to complete relief during a migraine
- 37 percent reported improvement of symptoms in cluster headaches
- 91 percent reported moderate to complete relief in cluster headaches”
7. A study found that sexually active adults between 50 to 90 years old had a better memory.
8. An interesting sex study “shows that PVI (penile, vaginal intercourse) can result in reflexive vaginal contractions caused by penile thrusting.”
9 Several studies suggest that sex can:
- increased satisfaction with your mental health
- increased levels of trust, intimacy, and love in your relationships
- improved ability to perceive, identify, and express emotions
- lessened use of your immature psychological defense mechanism, or the mental processes to reduce distress from emotional conflict
10. Some research on sexual health found that sexually active women have a lower risk of cardiac events later in life.
Fun fact: people with active sex lives tend to exercise more frequently and have better dietary habits than those who are less sexually active. Physical fitness may also improve sexual performance overall.
So, let’s talk about the Big O! All of our bodies are uniquely different. Orgasms are also uniquely different. But the path it takes to get there is all about experimenting, communicating, and trying again. Masters and Johnson wrote a book that detailed the sexual response cycle, which states that there are four stages of the sexual response:
- Excitement. Initially being turned on.
- Plateau. Repetitive motion that feels pleasurable.
- Orgasm. The burst of pleasure, and release.
- Resolution. The refractory period.
When it comes to the female orgasm, did you know it lasts three times longer than the male orgasm- about 20 seconds. Holly Richmond, Ph.D., somatic psychologist, and certified sex therapist says, “orgasm exists in our minds just as much as it does in the clitoris or any other part of our bodies.” Cue your fantasies! Pod fam, did you know when polled Brad Pitt was the number one person women admitted to having a sexual fantasy with.
Women orgasm in several different ways:
- The first way is from clitoral stimulation which is the most common way women orgasm and it’s easier to achieve for most females both alone and with a partner thanks to the thousands of nerve endings on the clitoris. Basically it is a female penis, essentially we have the same parts but hormones make our organs develop differently. This is the type of orgasm that isn’t shown typically in porn, so it’s often overlooked by newly sexually active men and even women that haven’t gotten to know their female parts. Grab a mirror ladies and use this visual to get to know your pleasure buttons.
- The second way is by hitting the g spot. Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. SIZE MATTERS. A new study reveals the ‘best penis size’ to make a woman orgasm i.e. meaning that the penis hit the g spot to create a sexual climax, apparently the magic number is 8 inches. That was the magic number that made 44% of surveyed women orgasm. Cue the rulers coming out! But, to help you understand how large that is, that’s about the size of an A4 sheet of paper. And it’s above average in the U.S. The average size of the male penis is around 5 inches long. So, don’t fret about size because positioning, toys, and creativity can help your woman have the G spot orgasm without the 8-inch cock. And, every woman’s body is different and many women admit that they haven’t had the G-spot orgasm. The G-spot is also the way to lead to female ejaculation, as it stimulates the Skene’s glands on either side of the urethra.
- The G-spot combined with the clitoral orgasm is the movie-style convulsion orgasm you probably have seen and maybe you thought it wasn’t real. But, that O is the real deal. Another reason size matters is that women can have orgasms from the penis thrusting into the vulva. This is the third-way woman orgasm and it presents as a wave sensation where the sides of the vaginal walls will pulse.
- The fourth way is an anal orgasm and this is contractions around the anal sphincter.
- The fifth way is through erogenous zones. Continuous play of certain spots can make some women orgasm. Did you know women can actually orgasm in sleep just like men?
- There are actually a lot of combinations of these orgasms and those are called combos. If for example, you’re stimulating an erogenous zone while hitting the g spot this can be considered a combo.
The average male orgasm lasts for 6 seconds. Men when polled, their number one sexual fantasy was about Beyonce.
There are several ways to make a male experience an orgasm with a couple of different distinctions: ejaculatory or non-ejaculatory, or even a mix of both! Non-ejaculatory is often referred to as a dry orgasm.
- If pleasure builds in your genitals and you ejaculate even if it’s a dribble from your penis this is an ejaculatory orgasm. Dry orgasms are just a large build-up of pleasure in the genitals and body euphoria.
- Another way to make a male have an anal orgasm is to stimulate the prostate by gently inserting a finger straight forward and massaging the gland.
- The male g-spot is the perineum and both ejaculatory and non-ejaculatory or combo orgasms can come from massaging this area.
- Just like women, men can have orgasms through erogenous zones without even touching the genitals. Each person has a different spot that can stimulate orgasm.
- Men can have multiple orgasms by practicing tantric or hold and release orgasms. We have a couple of books we can recommend on that topic.
When it comes to cumming, many couples and singles use sex toys. 60 percent of women and 40 percent of men use adult toys (vibrators and the like). This study interviewed couples that were over 50 and they claim adult toys have been or are a part of their lovemaking. Because you gotta get that O!
Let’s not forget oral sex! When it comes to oral sex being performed by couples over 50, 77 percent of women and 60 percent of men say yes. Couples under 50 are reported to perform oral sex 15% more.
You might be wondering if you still get health benefits from sex if you don’t orgasm and the happy answer is YES. Dr. Nicole Cirino says “that there are some neurotransmitters that don’t activate without the orgasm, but there are plenty that do. ‘You can release neurochemicals from caressing skin, kissing, sexual talk, feeling close to your partner, and enjoying mutual sexual satisfaction.’”
The end goal of sex is not orgasm for one partner. When it comes to healthy sex, there are several goals, mutual orgasms, health benefits, exercise, connection, and joy.
Sex Talks With Young Adults:
Parents, a key part of sexual health is making sure you’re setting up a healthy sex environment. You might be wondering, now that you’re sexually liberating yourself, just exactly how you should talk to growing adults about sex? Can we all agree that traditional sex education is a joke? They start it in some form of health class by 6th grade and it usually involves a banana, a condom, and a ton of laughter. This environment does not allow for safe learning, because who wants to raise their hands around their giggling and pointing peers? This is where we as parents have to step in and be ready to have “the talk.”
But, more honestly, this is where we need to have an open door of communication where nothing is off-limits. Everything is discussed from oral to anal. The reason being is that if they don’t hear it from their trusted parents, they will learn it from someone who won’t give it to them in the way that you can. In essence, you don’t want billy the bully telling your little girl how babies are made or that she was made for the sole purpose of pushing out little billies. That may sound extreme but it’s usually the kids that had access to some media that showed sex in an outdated fashion and this is why all of us parents have to step up and educate our kids about healthy sex. Sex isn’t a taboo subject and if it is in your house, I challenge you to do the work to overcome that outdated shame culture and rise up to be a model of healthy sexual communication for your young men and women.
Social science tells us that daughters who are having healthy conversations with their moms about sex are less at risk of sexual pain, sexual brokenness, and perhaps even sexual abuse because they are being given the tools from their mom before they are faced with the pressures, temptations, and harmful situations.
You’ll need to be prepared to talk about the mechanics of sex but even before sex, how to give consent, the stages of arousal, how to say no without guilt, and how to practice safe sex. In this day, where there is a new letter added to describe sexual preference regularly you’ll need to stay fluid in your approach, no pun intended.
Most importantly you’ll need to be able to laugh about certain things like body parts of the opposite sex that seem weird and to be serious about things like STDs and STIs and you’ll need to be able to say, I’m not sure, let’s look it up. Not having all the answers for your pre-teen or teen is common for parents in their 30s, 40s, and 50s because it wasn’t properly taught to us so we will be doing the job of breaking that mold.
How To Pick a Sexual Partner:
You want to find a good fit sexually. Not everyone is going to want the same size, shape, and scent that you can provide. You’re looking for a glove to fit your hand, so to speak. You’re also looking for someone that makes you sexually hungry just by being around them.
Find a partner that you have good sexual chemistry with before you even get intimate. Science would describe this as sexual chemistry which can be partially explained by looking at pheromones. Scents that our body emits and that others can pick up on and either like or don’t like. Everything in nature, from ants to moths emits pheromones. Humans emit these scents from armpits to areolar glands or the bumps around your nipple. Some pheromones are not necessarily sexual and are used to communicate from mother to child but the point is that pheromones are placed in all types of products in an attempt to create an attraction.
Chemistry can also be explained when you feel a magnetic pull, an electrical current, or a spark towards a person. For example, when you see them, you’ll lock eyes, you might get butterflies or you feel a sexual tension that can’t be explained. These are various explanations of sexual chemistry.
Find someone that you can talk with and engage in authentically good fun with. The perfect sexual partner is likely someone who you also enjoy being intimate with them intellectually or spiritually as well as physically. Alignment spiritually can look like breathing in unison, moving in unison, and even orgasmic meditation.
Find someone that you can dance with, or that is a really good kisser. These indicators can show you initially if you’re compatible. And it isn’t always an instant match, it can take time and communication.
Dating Code To Find Sexual Chemistry:
In the dating phase, you should use what Zuri likes to call the dating code, a short version of this dating code goes like this:
- Handshake: Start with a handshake that can display if there is a spark between you and your mate.
- Conversation: Then move forward in conversation with similar interests- women fall in love with what they hear more than what they see whereas men are visual creatures.
- More contact for scent: Hug hello or goodbye to see if there are pheromones or scents that you’re attracted to.
- Butterfly check: Check for butterflies when they call or you see them.
- Electrical charge: Check for electricity.
- First date physical activity: Pick something physical that you both like doing, hiking, walking, dancing, or swimming that can help you detect if there is an eclectic pulse between you two. Skip the “dinner and a movie” date in the beginning phases because it’s awkward and nobody wants to eat delicious food and watch a movie with a stranger. Go for activities instead.
- Start with a kiss: Kissing can determine if there is a compatible rhythm, scents, style of kissing, and electrical charge.
- Makeout: Skipping a makeout session is not recommended before having sex. There’s no point moving past a makeout session and performing a cup check to see what’s happening downstairs.
- Foreplay: We recommend being intimate with foreplay activity before actual intercourse.
- Intercourse: Move to intercourse only when you cannot hold out any longer. This dating code will help you identify a sexual match that can be a lasting partner. In the process don’t move forward unless you feel all the feels.
Single Healthy Sex:
To continue the sexual health theme, if you’re in the looking phase for a partner, you want to make sure that you and this new partner are free and clear of any STDs or STIs. If you’re single and not in a monogamous relationship please remember to get checked regularly. Your doctor will be able to recommend the frequency that suits your sex life. Some will recommend once per year, but more regularly if you’re not consistently using protection or have had an incident where the protection has failed. According to the CDC, there are about 20 million new cases of sexually transmitted infections in the US, every year. So take care of your goodies, pod fam.
Sex In A Relationship:
If you’re in a relationship, here is a fun fact that will dispel any single rumors. Science has found that long-term couples, irrespective of age, tend to have more sex than single people.
The key to having a healthy sex life with your partner relies on the following:
- Communication: Not only is consent literally required by law, but telling your partner what you want, how, and where is the best way to ensure maximum pleasure. It’s ideal to have these conversations before engaging in sexual play, but it’s equally effective to guide your partner during sex.
- Unresolved issues: Issues such as hurts, shadows, and dishonesty can lead to unhealthy partner patterns that ultimately hurt the intimacy of a relationship.
- Experimentation: If your regular sex routine isn’t getting you off, then experimenting with touching new areas at different times with different body parts. Our bodies were meant to do these acts so don’t add any shame to your mind about these acts.
Spice it up!
We mentioned sex toys above but you also can try these products to spice things up in your bedroom:
Kegel tools will help your pelvic floor tighten and enhance your orgasm, your partner will notice a stronger orgasm as well.
Oil-Based Lubricant– the best lubricant is organic coconut oil but it is important to use a water-based solution if you’re using condoms. Oil-based lubricants can cause tears and holes in condoms.
In addition to these products, you can try role-playing, dress up, sexy music, and simply creating intimacy throughout the day will lead to better sex. You can also pick different places in your home or while vacationing to get sexual with your partner.
Don’t get caught up on the times you’re having sex or if you’re not having enough sex. Sex therapist, Dr. Shannon Chavez, says: “overthinking or focusing on frequency can lead to resentment, shame, feeling inadequate, or dissatisfaction.” Shame is a sex killer.
Don’t forget about foreplay because it serves both a physical and emotional purpose, helping prepare both mind and body for sex. Kissing, for example, triggers a release of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. This chemical cocktail lowers cortisol (stress hormone) levels and increases feelings of affection, bonding, and euphoria. Most females need sexual stimulation from foreplay before intercourse is an option so that the vulva has time to lubricate and receive a penis. Foreplay can also remove any sexual inhibitions and entice your lover to cut loose and be more animalistic in nature with sex.
Sexual arousal causes a number of physical responses in your body, including:
- an increase in your heart rate, pulse, and blood pressure
- dilation of your blood vessels, including your genitals
- more blood flow to the genitals, which causes the labia, clitoris, and penis to swell
- swelling of the breasts and erect nipples
- lubricating of the vagina, which can make intercourse more enjoyable and prevent pain
We’ve had several requests to talk about sex and we hope we did that in a way that was informative and empowering. We had Moms asking about porn, and other pod fam questions about sex while dating and then sex while in long-term relationships. At the core of sex conversations, there are decades of repressed issues our culture has created.
As the EmPOWERment Couple, we want you to take your power back and be sexual beings as nature intended.
Continue Learning About Sex:
Website: This website from a female masturbation expert Betty Dodson Ph.D. sexologist. Dodson’s approach is great for all of those interested in learning more about healthy sexual self-love. We do not have any affiliation with Dodson or the site.
- The Ultimate Guide to Tantric Sex: 19 Lessons to Achieving Ecstasy
- The Complete Illustrated Kama Sutra
- S.E.X., The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties
- The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education: Over 100 Honest Answers to Urgent Questions about Puberty, Relationships, and Growing Up
- Four Books In One: Sex Positions for Couples, Sex Positions Guide, Kama Sutra Sex Positions & Tantric Sex Positions. Transform Your Sexual Life, Increase Intimacy, and Improve Your Relationship.
- Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity
Lastly, make sure you remember that self-love requires us to figure out why certain things turn us on, or bother us, why we are uncomfortable with conversations like this, and rather than blame our society we need to create a new reality. Do. The. Work. Don’t skip this subject because someone brought you up that way or you denied it for some reason or another. We need to create a society that allows all of us to be free sexually.
The opposite of sexual freedom is sexual shame and shame is a pleasure killer. Don’t kill your pleasure. Feed your pleasure. You deserve it, you sexy beasts.
Disclaimer: This post includes Amazon affiliate links, and I will earn a commission if you purchase through these links. Please note that we’ve linked to these products purely because we recommend them. There is no additional cost to you.